Menopause: I Miss the Woman I Used to Be

Does anyone else feel like they've become a completely different person since menopause hit?

And I don't mean a little different. I mean, who is this woman staring back at me in the mirror, and what on earth happened to the one who used to live here?

I remember her.

She had energy. Oh, did she have energy!

She could juggle a hundred things in a day, remember every appointment, manage a household, work, raise children, and still have enough energy left to do something for herself.

Her brain was sharp. Her thoughts were clear. She could walk into a room and actually remember why she went in there.

Imagine that!

Working out was invigorating. I loved feeling strong. I loved the way my body responded when I pushed it. There was something wonderful about feeling capable, energetic, and full of life.

I felt young.

I felt confident.

I felt like I could do anything.

And then came the shift.

Not the kind of shift where you wake up one morning and everything has changed. No, this one seemed to sneak in quietly, stealing little pieces of me along the way.

First, my brain started getting foggy. Thoughts that once came easily became harder to find. Words disappeared mid-sentence. I'd start something, get distracted, and completely forget what I was doing.

Then my energy tanked.

And I mean TANKED.

The woman who once thrived on a busy schedule now sometimes feels overwhelmed just thinking about everything she needs to do.

Exercise? Ha!

I know I should. I know it's important. But where on earth am I supposed to find the energy or motivation when my body feels like it's been run over by a tractor?

My muscles seem to be disappearing faster than my patience. The inflammation is ridiculous. My bones ache, my joints complain, and some mornings I feel like I need a mechanic more than a doctor.

And speaking of doctors...

My blood work, which used to look wonderful, has suddenly decided to join the menopause circus. Blood sugar concerns, cholesterol spikes, and numbers that make me wonder what on earth is going on inside this body of mine.

And the response?

"Well, that's normal at your age."

NORMAL?!

Excuse me, but what exactly is normal about feeling like you've aged twenty years in what feels like twenty minutes?

I don't want to be told it's normal and sent on my merry way.

I want to know what happened to me!

And Can We Talk About the Rage?

I've always been an emotional person. I feel things deeply. I love deeply. I cry easily.

But this?

This is a whole new level.

My patience has apparently packed its bags and left without a forwarding address.

The slightest disturbance can send me over the edge.

And heaven forbid my husband chews his food.

Seriously.

There are days when that poor man could be sitting across the room, minding his own business, enjoying a perfectly innocent sandwich, and suddenly I'm questioning every life decision that brought us to this moment.

WHY MUST YOU CHEW SO LOUDLY?!

The poor rooster doesn't stand a chance.

And the worst part? Sometimes I know I'm being unreasonable. I can hear myself. I can see the ridiculousness of it all.

But stopping those emotions feels almost impossible.

One minute I'm irritated, the next I'm crying, and five minutes later I'm wondering if there's any chocolate in the house.

It's exhausting.

But Beneath the Humor, There's Something That Really Hurts

I miss me.

There. I said it.

I miss the woman who could do it all.

I miss her energy. Her ambition. Her strength. Her quick mind.

I miss feeling comfortable in my own body.

I miss waking up excited about the day instead of wondering how much energy I'll have to get through it.

And sometimes, when I look at old photographs, I find myself grieving.

Not necessarily for the younger face or the smaller waistline, although let's be honest, I wouldn't complain about having those back either.

I grieve for how I felt.

The freedom of feeling healthy. The confidence of knowing my body would cooperate. The ability to take on whatever life threw at me without needing three days to recover.

I never expected to miss those things so much.

Who Are We When We Don't Feel Like Ourselves Anymore?

I've read stories about women leaving demanding careers during menopause. Women who were once successful, driven, confident professionals suddenly struggling to keep up with the very jobs they once loved.

Women questioning their abilities.

Women wondering whether they've lost their edge.

Women who no longer recognize themselves.

And I understand.

Because some days, just getting through an ordinary workday feels like an accomplishment.

We're still expected to show up, remember everything, make decisions, manage responsibilities, care for our families, and keep the world turning.

And let's face it, ladies...

Without women, where would men be?

Probably standing in front of the refrigerator asking where the butter is.

Hehehe.

But seriously, there's something heartbreaking about feeling like you're losing parts of yourself while the world expects you to carry on as though nothing has changed.

I Don't Want to Stay Stuck Missing Yesterday

Here's the part I'm struggling with.

I know aging is a privilege.

I know there is beauty in growing older. I love my family, the wisdom I've gained, and the life I've built. There are so many things I am grateful for.

But can we please acknowledge that being grateful for life doesn't mean we have to love every change that comes with it?

I can appreciate the woman I'm becoming and still miss the woman I was.

Both things can be true.

And maybe that's what makes this season so complicated.

I don't necessarily want to be twenty-five again. Good heavens, I wouldn't want to relive all those lessons!

But I would love to borrow her energy.

Her clear mind.

Her strength.

And maybe her metabolism, while we're at it.

I'm trying to believe that the woman I used to be hasn't disappeared completely.

Maybe she's still here, underneath the fatigue, the inflammation, the emotions, and the brain fog.

Maybe she just needs a little more understanding, a little more care, and a lot less pressure to be who she used to be.

But I'm not going to pretend I've figured it all out.

Because I haven't.

Some days I embrace this season of life.

Other days I want to sit down, have a good cry, and tell menopause exactly where it can go.

And I think that's okay.

So, Can I Ask You Something?

Do you ever grieve the woman you were before menopause?

Not because you don't love your life now, but because you miss how you used to feel in it?

Do you miss your energy? Your confidence? Your sharp mind? Your motivation?

Or maybe you're one of the lucky women who has found her way through the fog and discovered a whole new version of herself.

If you have, please share your secrets. Some of us are still wandering around in the barn looking for our brains!

I'd genuinely love to hear from you.

Because I can't be the only woman who sometimes looks back at her younger self and whispers...

"I miss you."

And perhaps, together, we can figure out how to love the women we're becoming, too.

With love, laughter, and a few missing brain cells,

Menopause with Friends ❤️

Because sometimes the best medicine is knowing you're not the only hen in the coop losing her feathers.